Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
