May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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