Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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