I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
