I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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