Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
