i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
