my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
do herpes really smell.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
