turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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