why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We smell like vodka and hangover
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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