I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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