I like my sex mixed with concussions.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
