So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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