dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
