Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
