I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
