Please, let me fuck your mom
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
