i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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