I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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