I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
