Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
