Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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