please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The uberlube is also flammable
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
