i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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