I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
