A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
