Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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