i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
