I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
