I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
