I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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