some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
