I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
