I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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