I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think a kid would responsible me up
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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