I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
