wrigley field is MILF paradise
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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