why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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