Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
