we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
