I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
