I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
