He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
