I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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