If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
