ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
