Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
