My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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