let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
