When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
