We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
