Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
