uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
