I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
