I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
