He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
